


I'm Warm When You Love Me

by CookieDoughMe



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 15:05:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8672056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CookieDoughMe/pseuds/CookieDoughMe
Summary: The title is taken from this as a prompt:  http://just-six.tumblr.com/post/152868924010/im-warm-when-you-love-me





	

There were practical issues with not being able to feel anything. He had to be careful, pay attention to what he was doing, and consciously think about what consequences it might have for him. He had to stop and think, all the time, to make sure he didn’t hurt himself in some unrecoverable fashion, and to make sure he didn’t hurt anyone else either. One day, he knew, he would get angry arresting someone and they would feel the pain of a sprained wrist (or a broken arm) and he wouldn’t even know how it had happened. He just had to hope it would be someone who deserved it.

He tried not to think too much about what he had lost, but he couldn’t forget completely. And sometimes the thing he missed most was being warm. It wasn’t that he felt the lack of it, not physically anyway. He didn’t feel cold, he didn’t feel warm; temperature had ceased to exist for him. 

But he remembered. Feeling the power of the sun as its energy warmed his skin. Luxuriating in the snug feeling of body heat trapped under a duvet, or under a blanket on the sofa watching a movie while it snowed outside. Or holding a hand out to toast marshmallows over a campfire. Or the almost chemical heat of a shot of whiskey running down his throat, warming him from the inside out. Sometimes even the false heat of embarrassment would have been welcome.

Without warmth, life was missing something fundamental. It was hard to feel relaxed, it was hard to feel comfortable, it was hard to feel at home. Even pancakes weren’t quite the same. 

But there wasn’t anything the doctors could do, so all he could do was carry on, wondering if it would ever change. Wondering if anything would ever break through this veil of numbness that separated him from the world.

And then he got to know a woman called Audrey Parker. They became colleagues, they became friends, and then they became so much more. And it was miraculous that it was her touch that broke through that veil to reach him. But sometimes the way she smiled at him was more miraculous still. Because one day, when she smiled at him like he was the sun itself, he felt the warmth of it, from his beating heart outwards to every bit of his still-numb skin.

And now when she smiles at him, it feels like midsummer’s day, or like dancing flames in front of his fingers. It feels like duvets and blankets and the finest aged bourbon all at once. Now when she smiles at him, he somehow feels warm again, from the inside out. Relaxed, comfortable and at home.

And he knows that one day, he will find the words to tell her how much that means to him, even more than the touch of her skin.


End file.
